Sunday, June 14, 2015

See you soon

Tomorrow I am going to leave Maryland. The time is come, this exchange year is almost closer to the end. I made a lot of good friends that i will keep forever. Columbia is another place that i could call home. This year, I have a family that welcome me and let me in to their house as a part of the family. I met a lot of teachers and coaches in Oakland Mills High School that taught me something more than just a lesson, I learned about being my self during my exchange year. Thankyou Bina Antarbudaya, AFS Baltimore Area Team, YES program, and US Dept. of State that gave me the opportunity to get a scholarship and being an exchange student in US. I am grateful for friends and family that support my exchange year. It's sad to think how the year going by so fast. I wish i could stay here longer. I always remember the beginning of the exchange year where I feel like I am an alien that just moved to a new community. Now it feels different, i don't want to leave soon. All of you are so nice. This year will be the year to remember. Today I threw a coin in a wishing well with a friend of mine. I wish I could throw coin again in the same wishing well, I want to go back to Columbia again.

Some people asked me what I feel, am I ready to go back home, am I excited, am I sad, etc. I got a lot of similiar questions. It's hard to explain. It's true that I am excited to see my natural family that I have never seen in a year. In the same time, i am sad that i have to said goodbye to all the people I have met here. But that's a part of exchange year. 

This week has been a fun week. There are couple things that makes me sad, but there are miliion things that makes me happy. I am glad i am around the people that I love and love me. 

I have already said goodbye to the people that I met the last couple daysthat I wouldn't be able to see anymore before I leave. It made me cry and I didn't like to admit it. 

Someone told me something yesterday, "You are crying because it is worth it". 

Thankyou so much.

Wish to see you all in Indonesia.
I am going to miss you all.

- Livia Ellen, an indonesian exchange student in Columbia, MD, US
OMHS '15
#ciamique




I am packing right now, it's sad to take everything off the wall.
Wish i could just pack America and bring it home to Indonesia.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Metaphor

'Murica.
That's where I am right now. I wonder what I am gonna feel the next few days when I am not here anymore.

After the farewell party yesterday, i start to realize i am not gonna be here anymore. I won't see the faces that I see everyday.

I have a lot of things to say to all people that i know the whole year. I want to stay keep in touch with them. I want to keep them. There is a time that i will always remember where I am belong to. Home. But i think i found where i am belong, here... 

 I am excited for going back to see all my friends and family back home. But, in the same time i want to stay here longer. I am selfish. Yeah.. If i could trade something for more time here, sure I will. 

Today is the only day I am not doing anything with anybody after the past few weeks. There were two different groups that invite me to do something tonight. But i was so afraid that I could not say yes. I was afraid that I am going to cry all day. 

Today I went to different places in Columbia. I took a bus and just go to a lot of places that I wanted to be. I went to Blandair, Lake Elkhorn, Columbia Lake Front, Patuxent River, the little park at King Contrivance, someone's house and some stores at Snowden River Parkway. I also walked to the bridge that I always visit everytime I miss home. Today I went there because I am going to miss "this" home. 

I was so close that I could just stopped by and say hi. But i was so afraid that I am not gonna be able to do that. So I just left. I left nothing behind. 

I just played piano. Music makes me feel better. My hostmom realize that I didn't talk at all. She suddenly sat next to me and hugged me. I kept playing music and she said it is okay.
But the fact is, it is not okay and i am not ready to leave.
Releasing lantern is just a metaphor. I still have them in my heart. 

I can't pretend that I am okay. 

This is what I feel right now.
video
Mom asked me what I was playing. I said that was my feelings. There was no piano sheet I looked at, there was no song. That was just what I felt. Randomly playing to cheer me up.


I just gonna take a walk to my bridge.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Kenangan

Hai!
Apa kabar?! 10 days to go.
Ughh i hate counting but this one it's true. I have too. Going to Japan in a week but i have no excitement, yet. I wish I could go to Germany tho. This week has been a blast. It feels good but sad in the same time. It's bittersweet. I spent a lot of time with people I love. It's good lo love and to be loved. It just make you feel like a person. This week has been a busy week; going to the zoo, bowling, graduation party, sneaking in to the house couple times, six flags, school, releasing lantern, movie night, game night, geocaching, swimming, cooking with friends, shopping with auntie, etc.
It's just too much for a week. Lately, i came home super late, or early maybe, 2 or 3 am in the morning. I am glad my hostmom is okay because she trusted me and who i was going with. One night, I and brittany were sneaking in to the house at 2 am. Our friends dropped us off at my house. It was a rainy cold night, i don't have a key. So i decided to go to the my backyard with the big spookie trees to find another key. And yes we succeded without any lights. The lightning was so loud. We came in and she took her carkey that she left inside my room. 

I did something different with my room. I used to put some big posters on the other side of my room, the wall that is close to the door in my bedroom. I moved it to the wall that is right next to my bedroom. So i could see it every day and remember it before I left. Brittany was looking at the pictures that I had . She looked at 1 picture and asked me why I still keep that picture. I told her thay it's a memory, i might not be a keeper, but i have memories, it is something to be keeped.

It's called as Kenangan. All of them matters to me.