Thursday, March 5, 2015

3 Stages of Love

You don't know where your feelings gonna take you

3 Stages of Love : Suka, Sayang, Cinta

There is a big difference between English and Bahasa (Indonesian). Actually, I am pretty sure some languages have its own difference.

So, i found an interesting article about Suka, Sayang, and Cinta. Well there's 2 more called Kasih and Naksir.

But maybe Kasih is categorized with Sayang. Naksir is categorized with Suka.

Meanwhile, in English they just called those 3 words as Love. That's so difference, isn't it? 

These 3 stages of love that i am going to talk about is a kind of love that tou feel when you are falling in love with a guy or a girl. Not the kind of love that you have with your family, sibling and friends( well sometimes it works).

Suka is when you see someone and you will say that she is nice, beautiful, and you like him/her. But it's not like you are having a crush, it's more than that. And you DO like him/her.

Sayang is when you look at someone, you like them, you are happy for them, and you just Sayang them. It's not just suka. There is something more that you will be happy when they are happy. It doesn't matter when the person you sayang loves somebody else, not you. You are just happy for them.

Cinta is more than Sayang and Suka. Probably, i could call it as Love. Love is when you look at him/ her. You will realize that He/She is the best thing that God has given to you. Im feeling like it's uncommon to love somebody that you don't even know. 

When you suka someone, you will try to get their attention.
When you sayang someone, you just let them in if they want to. Just sayang them and make them happy.
When you cinta someone, you will wait.

When someone you suka hurt you, you will get mad for whatever reason. 
When someone you sayang hurt you, you will cry for him/her. 
When someone you cinta hurt you, you will say it's okay, He/She just didn't know what He/She did.

Suka is getting.
Sayang is giving.
Cinta is loving..

I've never been in Cinta. Most teenager nowadays used Cinta/Love when they did not really mean it. Or English just didn't have that translation.
I had a boyfriend before, but it's just sayang. Cinta is a strong word.

2 days ago, i saw this couple at school.
No, they are not the kind of couple that everybody know in the school. It's just sweet when i walked behind them and looking at them from behind with the same walking rhythm. And they compliment each other how they have the same hair style right now. I did not say it's goal. It's just one of adorable couple moment.

So, no matter what you feel someone, either it is Suka, Sayang, and Cinta. Just go ahead. It makes you happy.
Because being happy is good 

Somehow, im somewhere between Sayang and Cinta

Monday, March 2, 2015


Mount Vernon, Baltimore healed me.
I felt home when I was in Baltimore. It's not as crowd as Jakarta, but I love it.

I went to Stephanie's boyfriend's apartment in Baltimore. Stephanie is my AFS-liaison's daughter. She took me walking around Baltimore. I love them. They made me feel better today, they took me to an Indian  restaurant. They have good food there, all-you-can-eat buffet is the best ✌️.

Yes, i ate a lot!

After we had lunch, we decided to go back to her boyfriend's apartment. But I found a Mount Vernon map in front of a building. I decided to walk around Baltimore. Fortunately, Stephanie wanted to stick with me and show me around. We stopped by at George Washington Statue. I loved the buildings there, and the churches.

The church is beautiful and peaceful. 
I remember that church, mosque, or temple are home for eveybody. 
You know you always have home that will welcome you. Church is one of the home.

I also met Pancake when I was hanging out there. Pancake is Stephanie's and her Boyfriend's dog. They addopted him. Isn't he cute? 

I found a funny unusual thing today when i was in grocery store. The sign "Consumer in Training" and the little kid with the tiny cart is so cute!

Today was a beautiful sunny day, would we have 2 hours delay tomorrow?

The girl in the back helped us push the cart and worked for the tips, unusual thing that I saw in the US. I talked to her and she said sometimes she earmed $50 per hour. Interesting huh?

feel much better tonight.
There's no a bad day, it's just a bad mood.

And there is always a reason behind the grumpy face and a bad mood. ✌️

The Fear of Losing

Yesterday night I took a walk.
Yes, a night walk.
It's so cold but the beauty of the frozen trees that I saw make me realize I need to get out from the house and take some pictures.

My obsession of photograph is more than anything else in the past 6 months. I want to keep the memories in a photograph. 

I realized that people may be gone, but the photograph will be the same no matter what is going to happen.

I tried to be happy this weekend. My friend back home (Indonesia) was in the hospital. I was worried, but i am trying to make my self feel good. Be happy. 
Because being happy is good.

Yesterday everything was fine, i saw the beautiful frozen trees. I watched Grey's Anatomy. I talked to the person that made me happy. I made Valentine's Day Card with my stage crew friends. Not to mention that i fell 4 times yesterday and I waited outside till my host-brother woke up to open the door. But that was okay. Everything was awesome.. 

Until I knew that my close friend that I knew for a half of my life is coma. I just can't handle it. I wish I was there,
It hurts,
I am afraid,
Everyday I always heard someone asked me how I am, I always said i am okay.
I realized that when people said 'How are You?' It's just the way they said Hello and Goodbye. People said how are you in a hallway, class, and home without really care about how someone's feeling is.

Maybe 'are you okay' is the actual question to ask 'how are you'.

This morning is peaceful. Me and my host-parent just gazed at the window and look at the frozen trees are melting. I felt good, really.. 
They asked me how I am, and i told them i was okay. I don't wanna screw their beautiful morning.
Then they left, going to work. I took my 1989 album that my host grandpa gave me in Christmas. I played piano to make me feel better. Taylor's song didn't make me feel home. 

I took my guitar and played  'Melompat Lebih Tinggi'. I was home alone,  i feel free to sing out loud. My host Mom went home, she was crying and I don't know what happened. I hugged her and she told me that gandpa just passed away. I'm not really close to grandpa but i feel sorry for him. It hurts, i haven't felt this for a long time, the fear of losing.

I wish i did not know what happened, i'm feeling like I just want to runaway. I don't want to see her crying. I don't want this feeling. I am afraid of losing more people.

Thankyou for people that cared about me.
I feel blessed.
I just need time for today.
I wish Baltimore will heal me

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Hai Mamasay

On Tuesday, February 24, We have challenge day in the school. The group leader asked us to write something to the person that we want to talk to.

My friends wrote the letter to their mom, dad, ex-friend(crazy? Huh. Why there is such a thing called as ex-friend), boyfriend, girlfriend, enemy, etc.

I wrote it to my mamasay.

Bahasa( Indonesian)

Hai mamasay,

Ellen kangen mama.
Makasih mama udah jadi mama yang luar biasa buat saya.
Livia bangga punya mama. 
Livia ga akan jadi kaya sekarang tanoa mama.

Maaf selama ini kalau Livia ngecewain mama. Hari ini 24 Feb 2015. Livia udah 6 bulan 13 hari jauh sama mama.
Livia bangga sama mana dan Lidia sana papa.
Saya mau kita tetep bareng-bareng susah & sedih.
Ellen sayang mama.
Saya harap saya bisa main gitar buat mama.
Saya baik-baik saja..


Hi mamasay,
Ellen(I) miss you.
Thanks for being an amazing mama(mother) for me.
Livia(I) is proud of mama.
Livia(I) will not be who I am today without mama.

I'm sorry that I made you dissapointed (for the stupid things I have done). Today is Feb 24, 2015.
Livia (I) have been far away from you and home for 6 months and 13 days. Livia(I) is proud of Mama (mother), Lidia (mu sister's name) and Papa(father). I want us to be together even in our worst day and the saddest day (it sounds weird in english).
Ellen (I) sayang(it means sort of love, but it's not love, love in Bahasa is Cinta) mama.
I wish i could play guitar for you (right now).
I am doing okay


P.S : Mamasay is the way i call my mother, It stands for Mama-Sayang, the dearest Mother. 

Thankyou for the question that inspired me to post this letter :)
You know someone means a lot to yoh when he/she is far away from you.