It has been a while after I recovered from my illness. I haven't got my self together yet as when I was normal, I mean.. in my normal state. 

I couldn't recall what it was and how I felt about the people around me because I just felt I was so empty those days when I was sick.

So, At the beginning of March until the beginning of May, it was my rollercoaster kind of days. The difference was unlike what Augustus Waters said in The Fault in Our Stars, mostly it was the rollercoaster that only goes down, or at least sometimes it was running straightly across my days & nights on the hospital bed.

That strange kind of feeling began when I went back to college. My faculty campus never looked so mesmerizing as I saw it that moment. Probably I just missed my life back then so much. Life was so different after spending approximately a month and a half between the hospital bed and my bedroom. I mean I did not go anywhere, except that one time my friend kidnapped me to go to the mall. LOL. I asked him to kidnap me / take me to the mall, in my sick sweater and hospital slippers.

I realize that people come and go, so does feeling, so does how we relate to other people. I realize I am not good in keep in touch. During 2 months I missed my college life, it was difficult for me to catch up with everything. I missed my college classes, moments with friends, my mid term, basically everything. My house is like 2 hours driving from the college. I used to stay near my university (and still I am). But when I was sick, I did not. So, basically the life before I was sick was everything that have to deal with my college. 

It was started on the 3rd of March where I felt that it was the worse week ever because I have never felt so much pain and nausea during the last couple months or years. I did not realize till a doctor told me I had a cold & fever. I skip college classes every other day or every 2 days during the first 2 weeks of March. I keep doing my things to do because I was just used to do that, and I thought it was just period cramps and fever perhaps. I wished I followed the doctor instruction to get a blood test once none of the medicines did not work, but I didn't.

In the last week of March, I only come to 1 class in a week. I figured out something is wrong with me. Then I go to the nearest hospital, 10 mins uber ride from Lotus House, the kosan where I live. I went straight to the emergency room, They gave me oxigen, told me I was 38.9 C, got my blood checked and I asked them if they would do typhoid test for me. They did the complete blood test and Widal Test.

Screw them.
They said i was okay.

10 hours after that, I saw my mom visited my kosan and telling me i gotta go to the hospital. I told her I did. But she told me I had to go again.

I went to Tzu Chi Hospital, near my house.
They figured out i had typhoid fever. Stayed there for a week, the doctor told me again, something was wrong. It was not just typhoid. I got my blood checked every other day. 6 injections , either for meds or blood test in a week, USG test.

I ended up skipping midterm exam and went back to college after one and a half month , back and forth between hospital, lab and my bedroom.

Hello folks!

Aside of all the chaos that happened because of this pre-college orientation thing. I am so happy that I am back to running!

Remember that line from Glee?! Run Joey Run sung by Lea Michelle. No, it's not that kind of run. I am literally running. Univeristy of Indonesia environtment is a fuckin awesome for running and doing excercise. The people are friendly, they also have bike path and also a path for the pedestrians and runners like me.

I run everyday in UI, either early morning or late night. Because I just love it. And guess what?! Couple weeks ago, I got my first medal in UI.

AND IT WAS A RUNNING MEDAL!

 for finishing the 5K Runtastic Run as the first 40 runners at Boulevard UI.

There is this 5K that held in UI to support the disabled people. I surprised that I was the first 40, that was the reason I got the medal. I did fall two times when I was running. My fingers were bleeding and also my leggings were teared on the knee, you couldn't really see it tho. But I was thinking that I gotta finish strong so I stood up and go running!
I haven't really do running since I have a back pain and a sacrum traumatic. Once the doctor told me He didn't sure about recommend me to run. But this medal cheer me up. Anyway im gotta kickass running again! Yo' El is back!

Hey everyone!

Ellen is back, writing for you all.

Just so you know, I am glady saying that I ended up here, in University of Indonesia, pursueing higher education in one of a prestigeous college in Indonesia - at least that's what most people say about UI.

Danau UI, Rektorat, Balairung, Perpustaakaan Pusat UI (Source: UI website)

Recently, the transition between going to college and finishing high school is such a rollercoaster for me. I have never thought I would end up here so here I am, overwhelmed by these pre-college orientation stuff that I think it's way too much to handle.

So, What is it like to be a pre-UI student???

AKA camaba UI

aka Calon Mahasiswa Baru UI

It's overwhelming!

Yesterday i read a blog post about the writer's experience on going on exchange year. I realized that things are not going easy during the exchange year nor post-exchange year.

Luckily, i had a classmate who has going through the same thing, studying abroad.

This week has been a tiring week, but i am glad i'm getting closer to her again. It's been a long time I haven't talk about exchange year.

Time has flown so fast this year huh.

*****

It sucks, but this little thing made my day.

I found it on my desk after I had a super long training for the ceremony.

Thanks friend, i really appreciate it. It's the sweetest thing ever that i got this week.

Words are stronger than what you think

...

Homeward Bound - Mormon Tabernacle Choir 

Pagi ini aku mendapat pesan kembali dari Mom, seperti biasanya. Lega rasanya ketika tahu operasi Mom sudah selesai. Tadi pagi perasaan gundah itu masih ada. Aku berangkat ke sekolah seperti sedia kala. Kulanjutkan membaca bacaan singkat mengenai pengalaman seseorang yang juga baru berkelana dan mengalami sindrom Homesick part 2. Aku tenggelam dalam bacaan itu, teringat sosok Mom yang sedang menjalani perawatan di rumah sakit. Salah satu temanku membuyarkan lamunanku walau aku sedang memegang buku, memerintahkanku untuk menyiapkan barisan karena bel akan berdering sebentar lagi. Aku hanya diam dan tidak menggubris, dia mulai meneriakkiku dengan kata yang aku rasa tidak pantas. Aku memandangnya dan berkata, "Nanti aja, beri saya waktu". Dia diam, akupun terdiam juga. Tak lama dia tetap meneriakiku lagi secara tidak sopan, lagi.

Rasa kesal itu ada, bercampur dengan rasa rindu yang sudah tak terbendung. Ivana datang dan memberikanku pelukan. 

She literally knew what I need. She was standing right next to me while I was sitting on the chair. My head was under her chest. I couldn't handle my self so I just cried while I hugged her. She asked me if I was comfortable talking about it in the girls restroom. I heard the same guy that yelled at me earlier saying, "Cengeng" with a Woooo sound. If i were him, I would just shut my mouth up, like seriously can you not?

I haven't talk about what I felt about my post-exchange feeling to anybody in real person. Not that I don't have time about it. It's just I haven't met the right person to talk about it, or might be right situation. Like I don't wanna cry and be that melting-cheesy kind of person in front of someone that I barely know. And it's my problem, not their problem. Most people only interested in these kinds of questions "How do you ngehedon in US?" , "Wah jalan-jalan mulu nih", "Cerita dong seru yaa". I don't wanna give them a bad impression about my experience in US. I realize that people always expect more, and I don't wanna lower their expectation. I guess, even my mom and my sister are too tired to listen to this melancholy part of Ellen. 

Ivana was the right person, she is my close friend and she has been through the same thing. We talked for a while, she let me talk and I appreciated that. It's true that adapting post-exchange is more difficult than adapting during the exchange year itself. Most people in my host-community understood when I cried because I miss my family so much, because they knew that I left home. I remember that day I was in choir class, Aurora (an exchange student from Norway) was crying when we sang Homeward Bound. Most of the choir student supported and gave her a hug. FYI, It was a big class with about 90 people.

Home is where the heart is

- The Hobbit